My friend’s dad used to work at a movie theatre where a lot of celebrities came to apparently and one time Tom Hanks came in and he was feeding tickets into the machine and couldn’t see anything so the guy up top was like “dude, that’s Tom Hanks” and her dad was like “yeah right if that’s Tom Hanks I’ll start eating these tickets” and Tom Hanks leans over the counter and whispers “start eating the tickets”
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
IM A TEENAGER I WANNA BE DANGEROUS I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY I WANNA GO STEAL A TRAFFIC LIGHT
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT TRAFFIC LIGHTS WERE A LOT SMALLER
YOU THINK THAT’S BIG?? CHECK OUT THIS STOP SIGN I JUST GRABBED
STOP STEALING ROAD NAVIGATIONAL ESSENTIALS.